


Fade Away

by Bangbam



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Character Death, Depression, M/M, Please Don't Hate Me, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 04:06:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16736781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bangbam/pseuds/Bangbam
Summary: I miss our conversations...I miss how we used to talk every minute of every day...I miss how I was able to tell you everything that was on my mind...I miss the sweet kisses that we shared...I miss you...even if you're right there.





	Fade Away

**Author's Note:**

> Credits to CreatureChanLixQueen on Wattpad for the story idea. I hope I did it justice.

"Minho just texted me and said that he and Jisung are already there" Felix looks at Chan, who was focusing on the road ahead of them.

   "Tell him that we'll be there soon. I don't wanna go real fast since it's raining." Chan replies while adjusting his grip on the steering wheel. Felix just nods and looks back to his phone to text Minho. After the message is sent Felix looks back up to admire his boyfriend.

    "Did you know that you're beautiful?" Felix asked, make Chan blush faintly. Chan didnt reply and Felix just smiled, knowing he was flustered. He turned his head to look out the window and watched as the rain hit the ground outside the vehicle. Felix had always liked rain, he didn't particularly know why, he just thought it was calming. He was brought out of his thoughts by the loud sound of a car horn and Chan cursing. That was the last thing he heard before the car lurched and he was engulfed in darkness.

______________________________________

    When Felix came to the first thing that he noticed was that he was upside down. The second being that Chan was no longer in the vehicle with him. Groaning he tried to find his phone, he found it after about 5 minutes of searching. It was cracked badly but somehow still worked. He unlocked it and dialed 911, all while trying not to pass out again. 

   "Hello 911, what's your emergency?" A female voice spoke through the phone.

   "Help...my b-boyfriend and I were in a c-cra-ash...I don't know w-where he is or w-where we a-are..." 

   "Sir, are you still in the the vehicle? Can you tell me anything that is around you?" The woman responded, sounding slightly more alert than before. Felix tried his best to see anything from where he was. He looked through the shattered window and saw a sign that said:  
                  'Hawthorn Hills'  
          Next Exit and 5 miles out  
             Please enjoy your stay

      "I t-think th-that we're close t-to H-Hawthorn H-hills. I s-see a s-sign" Felix spoke the best he could in his state.

    "Okay sir, I'm sending people to your location. Please stay where you are, help will be there soon." After the call ended Felix struggled to find the latch to his seat belt. While he was searching he also discovered that he couldn't move his left arm. 'Probably broken, I can't feel it from the adrenaline' Felix thought to himself. He found the latch and pushed as hard as he could to get it undone. It came undone with a click and Felix felt himself fall. He struggled his way out through the car window and tried his best to stand. He supported himself with his right arm against the car frame infront of him and surveyed his situation. He saw the car that had hit them about 10 feet away and saw that the driver was passed out against the wheel. He kept looking around, he needed to find Chan.

   He stumbled his way around to the other side of the car and there about 5 feet from where he was laid Chan. Felix gasped and stumbled as quickly as he could to Chan, falling to his knees once he reached his side.

    "Oh god, please be okay. Please." Felix mumbled to himself. He noticed that one of Chan' legs were bent at an odd angle and grimaced. 'Come on Felix you gotta flip him over. You gotta see if he's even still alive.' Felix thought to himself, mentally preparing himself for whatever he may discover when he does flip Chan over. Felix reached out his good hand and grabbed Chan's shoulder, with a grunt he rolled him over. He leaned his head down to Chan's chest and let out a relieved breath when he heard a heartbeat. 

With the reassurance that Chan was alive, Felix lifted his head and looked at Chan, assessing his injuries. Chan had some scrapes on his face, 'Probably from hitting the pavement' Felix thought, it looked like one of Chan's legs were broken as well, 'its ok that can heal alright' Felix reassured himself. The one that most worried Felix was the blood coming from a gash in Chan's forehead, Felix assumed that it was from hitting the steering wheel.

     Felix looked up as he started to hear sirens in the distance. As the police cars and ambulances came into view Felix found himself finally starting to feel the pain from his injuries, the adrenaline starting to wear off. The last thing he saw was an EMT rushing towards his direction before his vision went black again.   
      
______________________________________

    The next time Felix woke up, he was in a hospital bed. He pried his eyes open only for him to be blinded by the lights above him. Groaning, he tried to sit up. Once he finally sat up he looked around, noticing that he was alone. The realisation made him panic.'Where's Chan? Where am I? Is he ok?' Felix's thoughts were frantically running through his brain, so fast that he didn't even realize when the heart monitor sped up or when the nurses burst into the room because of it.

    "Sir, sir I need you to call down. Sir you need to calm down before I'm forced to sedate you." The nurse spoke in a firm tone but Felix couldn't even hear what she was saying.

   "Where's Chan? Is he ok? Where am I? What happened?" Felix rambled on, speaking too fast for most of the nurses to understand.

   "Sir I know that you probably have a lot of questions but we can't answer them unless you calm down." At that Felix felt himself relax slightly and his breathing slowed considerably.

   "Thank you" The nurse looked relieved that he had finally listened, probably glad that she didn't have to sedate him. 

   "Where's Chan? Is he okay?" Felix asked timidly, almost like he was afraid of what the answer might be.

   "Sir can you explain to us who Chan is? Is he the man that was with you during the accident?" The nurse asked kindly, not wanting to trigger something again. Felix just silently nodded his head, hoping for something good. 

    "Sir your friend is fine. He was taken in the ambulance and they stabilized him. He's okay, just in a different room." Felix released the breath he didn't realize that he was holding and nodded again, not noticing the tears that silently ran down his cheeks.

    "Can I see him?" Felix asked quietly, voice somewhat hoarse from his breakdown earlier. 

   "Not yet sir. The doctors could stabilize him but he's still in critical condition, he hit his head quite hard during the accident." The nurse replied in a quiet voice, almost as if she didn't want to tell him. Felix didn't reply only let the tears run silently, praying for Chan to be okay. He didn't know what he would do without him.

______________________________________

    Felix looked up as the door to his room opened hurriedly. He smiled slightly as he saw Jisung burst in the room, laughing quietly as he saw him slip on the hospital floor.

   "OH MY GOD FELIX! YOU CAN'T JUST DISAPPEAR LIKE THAT ON ME!" Jisung yelled, looking close to tears at the sight of his best friend. "I don't know what I would do if I lost you" He continued in a quieter voice. Felix didn't answer, only opened his arms for Jisung to fall into. Felix just sat there and let Jisung cry on his shoulder for about 5 minutes before he looked up to the sound of Minho clearing his throat. He gave him a small smile and Felix returned it, happy to see his friends.

   "Hyunjin and Seungmin are on their way. They had to pick up Jeongin from school first." Minho said quietly, not wanting to disturb the atmosphere within the room."Woojin is also coming, he's just stuck in traffic and Changbin is gonna stop by after work." Felix nodded and held Jisung a bit tighter.

   "Have you been to see Chan?" He asked Minho timidly. 

   "No, they're still not letting people back to see him." Minho answered. Felix just nodded and looked down quietly. Minho stood quietly observing him. He really hoped that Chan would be okay, if not for him then for Felix's sake. Minho doesn't think he can recall a time when they were apart after Felix was kicked out. After seeing what Felix is like right now, while Chan is still alive, just separated, he's scared to see what would happen if Chan really didn't make it through this. He hoped he would never have to find out.

______________________________________

      Hyunjin knocked on the door lightly as he and his two companions walked into the room. Once inside he observed the people inside the room. Felix and Jisung were curled up cuddling on the hospital bed while Minho was sitting in a chair by the wall, supporting his head with his hand. He smiled as he took in the sight, it was nice to see them together, especially after getting the news that Felix and Chan were in an accident. 

    Seungmin pushed his shoulder lightly to get him to move forward and they walked further into the room. Minho looked up at the sound of the door opening and smiled at the people who just entered the room.

   "Hey" Seungmin greeted quietly, not wanting to disturb the sleeping males on the bed.

   "How is he?" Jeongin asked. Minho looked to the boys on the bed and smiled slightly.

   "I think he's okay. Let's just hope that Chan is, I don't think Lix would be okay if he wasn't." Minho answered. The three just nodded there heads, agreeing with the statement. They were all scared for their friend and hoped he was okay. But at the moment it was just a waiting game.

______________________________________

      Felix was released the next day with only a cast on his left arm and some bandages on his torso. He was thankful that he got out of the accident with as little as that. Currently Felix and his friends were sitting in the waiting area, waiting for Chan's doctor to come and get them as he had been cleared for visitors that morning. They all looked up at the sound of the doors opening and stood up as the doctor approached them.

   "I'm guessing that you all are the family of one Bang Chan." The doctor stated, looking at each of them individually. They all nodded and he motioned for them to follow him as he started walking. As they were walking down the hall Felix looked around, seeing other patients of various conditions. The group stopped in front of a room that read: 165, Bang Chan. The doctor opened the door and gestured for them to go inside.

    "Visiting hours end at 5, that gives you 3 hours. They open again at 9 tomorrow morning." The doctor informed them and walked out of the room. Felix was the first to approach the bed. He looked at the man he loved with tears in his eyes, feeling so much relieve that it was almost painful. Jisung approached next, placing a hand on Felix's shoulder for support. The others slowly circled around the bed, all feeling some form of relieve and happiness because their friend seemed to be alright with just a cast on his left leg and a bandage around his head.

______________________________________

       It was 2 AM when Felix got the call that Chan had woken up. He immediately called Jisung to tell him and told him to call the others as well. He was ecstatic, he was awake, Chan was finally awake. They had to wait until the next day to go and see him but they went as soon as visiting hours were open.

     Minho was the first person to walk into the hospital room followed closely by Jisung. Felix taking the back spot, mentally preparing himself to see his boyfriend. Chan was awake when they walked into the room and looked up ad they walked in. He looked so happy to see his friends.

    "Minho! What happened? Why am I in the hospital? I can't remember anything." Chan asked rapidly as Minho approached the side of his bed.  
Minho began talking to Chan excitedly, happy to be able to talk to his friend and that there didn't seem to be anything more than physical wrong with him. 

     "You were in a car accident Chan. You've been out for the last 3 days." Minho explained. Chan just nodded.  
"But look the rest of our friends are here too" Minho pointed to the group behind him, causing Chan the look at them. His eyes traveled from Hyunjin and as he went down the row, his smile widened. That was until he spotted Felix. 

    "Oh! Who are you? Are you one of Jisung's friends?" He asked, confusion shown on his face. In that moment Felix felt his heart drop.

     "I'm Felix. Don't you remember me?" Felix replied, the others could almost here the desperation in his voice while asking that question.

      "Felix? Felix...Oh I think Jisung had mentioned your name before." Chan finally answered after thinking. "Are you the new Australian friend that he had and wanted me to meet?" Chan asked, looking at Jisung for confirmation but only being met with a sad stare. Chan was confused. He didnt understand why everyone looked so sad.

     Felix didn't answer, only turned and walked out the door. Once the door shut behind him, he let the tears fall. He didn't remember him, Chan didn't remember him. He heard the door open and soon felt arms incircle him. He looked over his shoulder to see Jisung hugging him and just let himself break down. The most important person in his life didn't remember him. He felt like dying.

    "I'm gonna go find the doctor to ask him about Chan do you wanna come?" Jisung asked carefully. Felix just silently nodded his head and sunk down against the wall. Jisung just watched sadly as his best friend broke, knowing that nothing he did would help. He sighed before turning and going to find the doctor. He walked to the front desk and asked to see Chan's doctor. Once the doctor was paged, Jisung just stood and waited until he was approached. Jisung looked up as he heard footsteps getting closer to him.

       "You asked to see me sir?" The doctor greeted as he approached. Jisung just nodded and followed the doctor to sit down.

      "I wanted to ask about my friend, Bang Chan." The doctor nodded to show that he knew who Jisung was talking about." He woke up yesterday but appears to not remember things. We weren't told about this and I just wanted to ask about it." Jisung continued.

      "When Bang Chan woke up he didn't show any signs of amnesia but we could have missed something. Would you like for us to test him again?" The doctor offered. Jisung nodded and stood up so that they could make their way to Chan's room. 

      When they reached Chan's room they knocked briefly before walking in. Jisung sighed sadly seeing that Felix wasn't present.' He probably went home' he thought. Inside the room they were greeted by Minho, who was sitting to the right of the bed. The doctor stopped in front of the bed and cleared his throat.

    "Hello Chan. I'm Dr.Richards and I'm here to ask you a few questions. Is that alright?" Chan slowly nodded his head in response.

    "Okay. Answer this for me. Chan can you tell me today's date?" The doctor asked. Chan nodded and started to think.

      "The last day I remember was the 15th but it's been 3 days apparently..." Chan began mumbling to himself. "I'd say that it was May 18th." He answered finally. Jisung went to say something but the doctor held up his hand, stopping him.

     "Okay... I have another one for you. Can you tell me what year it is?" The doctor asked once again. Chan nodded.

     "It's 2015...isn't it?" Chan said uncertain. The doctor didn't answer, only wrote something down in his notepad.

    "I have one last question for you. Can I ask what's the last thing you remember Chan?" The doctor said finally.

    "I remember sitting in my living room with Minho and Jisung. Jisung was telling me about his new friend from Australia that was moving here soon. He kept mentioning how much he wanted to introduce us. Thats the last thing I remember. By the way where did that Felix guy go? He never came back after he walked out of the room." Chan answered. Jisung could only stare in shock. Chan didn't remember any of his time with Felix, he didnt even know that they knew each other. Later that night Jisung called Felix to check up on him. 

    "Hello?" Felix's voice carried through the phone after three rings.

    "Hey Felix, how are you?" Jisung asked.

    "How do you think I'm doing?" Felix said with no bite in his voice. "Sorry I'm just upset. What did the doctor say?" 

     "He said that it was amnesia. Chan doesn't remember the last 3 years Lix." Jisung said sadly. Felix felt himself tear up again.

    "Is there any chance of him remembering anything?" Felix said almost hopefully. But when he heard Jisung sigh he didn't expect anything good. 

     "I'm sorry Lix. The doctor said that the chance was very small based off of how hard he hit his head during the accident."

    "Okay" Felix choked out.

    "Hey it'll be okay Lix. A small chance is better than none. Just stay ho-" Jisung didn't get to finish his sentence. Felix hung up the call and fell to his knees, sobbing. 

    "Nothings going to be okay Jisung. You don't understand, you're not the one going through it." 

______________________________________

   It's been  three months since Felix has seen or talked to any of the others.  At first they kept calling and texting him. That was before he turned off his phone. He's surprised that no one had come by his house yet knowing Jisung. Just as he thought that he heard a knock on the door.

    "LEE FELIX! YOU BETTER OPEN THIS DOOR NOW! I GAVE YOU PLENTY OF SPACE AND IM NOT TAKING IT ANYMORE!" Felix heard Jisung yell from the other side of the door. Sighing, he stood up from his spot on the couch and went to open the door. Once it was open he didn't have time to say anything before Jisung had his arms around him in a vice like hold.  
    
   "You asshole I thought you died or something!" Jisung exclaimed, sounding close to tears. Once Jisung let go he stepped back and punched Felix in the chest. Hard. Felix flinched but didn't fight back. He probably deserved it anyway.

    "Do you know how worried we were? How worried I was?" Jisung started on his rant again. "I understand that you needed space but three months and not even a text to tell us that you're okay. I was terrified. Hyunjin got sick from the stress of not knowing if you're okay. We all tried to call and text but you never answered. You didnt even look at them! That was a dick move." By the time he was done Jisung was in tears. He was shaking and Felix felt terrible for putting them through that. He didnt say anything just wrapped his arms around Jisung's shaking shoulders and let him cry.

______________________________________

    Some days Chan was fine. Then there the days that he was sad without knowing why. He felt pain. The kind of pain that people felt when they missed something greatly. He felt like he lost something very precious to him but forgot what is was. Another thing was that lately Felix kept showing up all around him. He thought about him all the time, he was just constantly in Chan's thoughts. He had even started to show up in his dreams. They were strange dreams too. In some of them, they were just out somewhere together, talking and laughing, just genuinely having a good time. But then in some they were cuddled in bed, sometimes they would share sweet kisses and softly spoken words. There were some dreams that Chan didn't even want to think about. Even if the dreams were always different one thing stayed the same. Chan always woke up missing Felix. How can he miss someone that he's never met? 

    He decided that he needed a second opinion about this. He had to speak to Minho about this. He walked out of his room and out into the living room where Minho was sitting on the couch. He cleared his throat and Minho looked up at him.

    "Can I help you Chan?" Minho asked.

    "Um...yeah actually I need to talk to you about something.." Chan trailed off. Minho just scooted over and patted the place next to him. Chan walked around the couch and sat next to Minho.

   "Okay so I've been having weird dreams lately." Chan started. Minho didn't comment, just nodded for him to continue. "The weirdest thing is that Jisung's friend Felix is in all of them." He finished quietly. Minho was surprised when Chan mentioned Felix's name. He had an idea of what was happening but needed more information before he could be certain.

   "Okay I have an idea but I need you to tell me every detail about these dreams." Minho responded.

   "All of them..." Chan asked quietly, looking embarrassed. Minho just nodded and Chan just sighed and started explaining the dreams, blushing a little when he had to describe some of the more explicit dreams. Minho just listened intently, getting more excited the more Chan told him. He couldn't wait to tell Jisung what was going on.

Chan was regaining his memories through his dreams.

______________________________________

    Jisung had left Felix's house about an hour ago and now Felix was just sitting on his bed, contemplating something that he had been thinking about for awhile now. He came to a decision. It had to be done. But first he had to make some calls. 

    Felix called each one of his friends. He had to talk to each of them before this was done. Jisung was the last he called. But Jisung didnt answer,'He's probably still at the store' he thought. So Felix just left a message.

    "Hey Jisung, it's Felix. I know we just talked but I had something to say. I just wanted to say thank you for taking care of me when my family first moved here. Thank you for introducing me to the love of my life. And most of all thank you for being you. For loving me. I just wanted to say goodbye. So goodbye I guess. Love you lots." Felix ended the message with a smile. After he hung up the call, Felix grabbed his camera and prepared it to record. He had two videos to record before he started anything.

______________________________________

    Jisung stepped out of the store with his grocery bags on his arms. He took his phone out of his pocket and saw that he had a missed call and a voicemail from Felix. He was about to press on the voicemail when his phone started ringing, Minho's contact picture popping up on the screen. 'Felix's message can wait a moment' Jisung thought as he answered the call.

______________________________________

       Once everything was set in place and the videos were filmed, Felix headed to his bathroom and started the water. He slipped off his shirt and sat on the edge of the tub, waiting for it to fill. Once it was filled Felix stood up and walked to his mirror cabinet, grabbing the bottle he had bought just for this occasion. He carefully stepped into the tub and sat down, leaning back against the wall. He looked at the bottle in his hands, muscle relaxers to put him to sleep. He let out a soft sigh and opened the bottle.

______________________________________

     Jisung had just stepped through the door of his house when he was approached by Minho.

    "I have exciting news." Minho said once he got close enough. Jisung just smiled and walked to the kitchen.

    "And what would that be?" He asked curious.

    "I think Chan is slowly regaining his memories through dreams. He came to me today and told me that he's been having weird dreams lately...dreams about him and Felix. Its not a very fast process. It would still probably take a year or so for him to remember. Jisung do you know what this means? We have to tell Felix." Minho exclaimed excitedly. Jisung was ecstatic. Chan is slowly remembering. Felix can have hope again. He won't have to be so sad anymore. Jisung told Minho that he would tell him and walked out the door, walking towards Felix's house.

______________________________________

    Felix poured the pills into his hand and just stared at them for a minute. Then he raised his hand and swallowed them with the help of a handful of water from the tub. As he sat and waited, he thought about his life. He thought about when he started talking to Jisung...

______________________________________

    Felix looks over at his phone when he heard it ding with a notification. He picks it up and sees that he has a message request on Instagram from someone named jsquirrel. 'Huh that's kind of a strange name' he thought. Felix unlocked his phone and went to his Instagram messages, clicking accept on the request. 

'Hey my names Jisung. I saw that you made a post recently about what's happening with a band I like and wanted to say that I totally agree with what you said' the message read. Felix replied to the message and one of his closest relationships grew from that one simple message.

______________________________________

   As Jisung was walking down the street he saw a café and decided to stop. As he walked through the door he saw that there was a bit of a line. He sighed but walked to the line anyway. He waited about ten minutes before he got to the counter. After he placed his order, Jisung stepped to the side and waited for his and Felix's drinks to be done. He heard his name being called about 5 minutes later and went to grab his drinks. He thanked the barista and made his way back out the door and continued on his way to Felix's house.

______________________________________

    Felix was starting to feel the effects of the pills now. His eyes were feeling heavy and he just wanted to sleep. He closed his eyes and thought about the day he met Chan. He still considered it one of the best days of his life.

______________________________________

     Today was the day. Today was the day that Jisung was going to introduce Felix to his friends. Felix was excited but also really nervous. He was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of a knock on his front door. He walked to the door and opened it to see Jisung.

   "Hey are you ready?" Jisung asked excitedly. He can't wait for Felix to meet his friends. Especially Chan. He thinks that they'll get along well.

    "As ready as I'll ever be I guess." Felix replied quietly. Still feeling a little nervous.

   "Don't worry Felix. They're gonna love you." Jisung said encouragingly. He knew they were going to love Felix because he loved Felix. Who wouldn't love Felix, he's literally the sun? Felix just shrugged and turned to lock his door. After that was done they started their walk to the café they were meeting Jisung's friends at.

    Once they got to the café and walked through the door, Jisung grabbed Felix's hand and dragged him in the direction of his friends. 

   "Hey guys!" Jisung exclaimed once they got closer to the table, drawing the groups attention to them. "This is Felix. He's the friend that I was telling you about."

   "Hello Felix it's nice to finally meet you." A kind looking man, who he would later learn was Minho, said and stuck out his hand for Felix to shake. Felix cautiously took his hand and shook it. Jisung grabbed Felix's hand and pulled him into the seat across from a guy with curly silverish-blue hair.

   "Hey my name's Chan." The guy, Chan, introduced himself. Felix blushed slightly under the gaze of the other man.

  "I-I'm F-Felix. N-Nice to m-meet you" Felix cursed himself for stuttering but Chan just laughed quietly, finding the male in front of him adorable. That was the start of the best thing to ever happen to Felix.

______________________________________

      
    Felix felt himself start to slip into unconciousness, feeling himself sink farther into the water of the tub until he was fully submerged and silently apologized to all his friends in his head.

'Please don't hate me for this. It had to be done. I love all of you' That was the last thing he thought before the blackness consumed him.

______________________________________

   Jisung was about 15 minutes from Felix's house when he remembered that he had a voicemail from Felix. He unlocked his phone and went to his voice mail, feeling kind of guilty when he saw that the time was almost 2 hours ago. He clicked on the message and put the phone up to his ear to listen.   

        "Hey Jisung, it's Felix. I know we just talked but I had something to say. I just wanted to say thank you for taking care of me when my family first moved here. Thank you for introducing me to the love of my life. And most of all thank you for being you. For loving me. I just wanted to say goodbye. So goodbye I guess. Love you lots."  

    Goodbye? Was Felix leaving? Why didn't he say anything?. Jisung slightly sped up feeling the need to get to Felix's house faster. That message left him with a terrible feeling.

    When he saw Felix's house in the distant he started to jog to get there faster. When he got there he was surprised to find the door unlocked. He slowly opened the door and walked inside.

    "Felix!" He yelled into the darkness of an empty house. When he got nothing in return Jisung became even more worried. He started up the stairs to Felix's bedroom, the only other place he could be besides the living room. He approached the closed door and knocked lightly.

    "Felix?" Jisung said, waiting for a response that never came. He tried turning the knob and found that it was unlocked as well. He pushed the door open and looked around the room. He spotted something laying on Felix's bed, walking closer he discovered that it was a two notes and flash drives. Picking up the note closest to him, he started to read.

  'Dear whoever finds this,  
         I'm sorry that you had to find this first. That I put this burden on you. On the flash drive attached to this paper is a video I made. If you are one of my friends I want you to call everyone together before you watch this. I want you all to watch this together. Don't feel bad afterwards please. None of this is any of your faults. It was my own choice. Just please always remember that I loved and will always love you all.   
                                      Sincerely,  
                                                   Felix

    By the time that Jisung was done reading the note he was almost having a panic attack. He needed to find Felix and fast. The note didnt sound like anything good. He needed to find Felix. Jisung did a quick scan of the room and saw that the bathroom door was shut but the light was on. He rushed to the door and reached out to open it. Just before he touched the knob he stopped, scared on what could be on the other side. He pushed past the fear, he needed to find Felix. He opened the door only see Felix submerged in the tub. He gasped and ran to the tub. Jisung could hardly see as he grabbed Felix's shoulders and lifted him above the water. The tears broke free as he jumped into the tub with Felix and held him up, looking for any sign of life. He was sobbing as he lent his head down to Felix's chest only to hear nothing. He couldn't breath when it finally registered in his brain that Felix wasn't breathing. Everything after that was a blur. He barely remembered calling the police. He barely remembers the paramedics coming in and pulling him away from Felix's body. He does however remember screaming until he lost his voice. He does remember crying until he collapsed. He does remember the immense pain that he felt when he realized that his best friend was dead. 

He was dead.

______________________________________

       Jisung was staring blankly at the wall when Minho approached him. He had dried tear tracks on his cheeks from when he lost the motivation to wipe them away. His eyes were puffy from all the crying. His voice was hoarse from screaming for Felix to come back. Overall he looked and felt like utter shit. Honestly Minho wasn't much better. The police were gone and the paramedics had taken Felix's body. They were sitting in their living room on their couch just staring at the wall.

    "Did you read the notes he left?" Minho asked quietly.

   "I made it through the one addressed to all of us before I found him. Did you read the other one?" Minho nodded his head solemly.

    "It was addressed to Chan. The instructions were to only give it to him if he gets his memories back." 

  "Are you gonna give it to him?" Jisung asked.

   "Maybe if he ever remembers." 

    "What about the one addressed to us? Are we all gonna watch it?" Minho shrugged.

    "Do you want to? We can call everyone if you do?" Minho suggested. Jisung just nodded. Minho didn't say anything, just got up and grabbed his phone.

______________________________________

     There was a knock on the door. Minho stood up to open the door for Changbin, he was the last one to arrive at the house so they could watch the video. Once Changbin was there, they all sat on the couch and looked to the TV where Minho had his laptop hooked. Minho plugged the flash drive into the laptop and the video started to play. Felix's face is shown as the video starts, he appears to be sitting on his bed. By now both Woojin and Seungmin are in tears from just seeing his face. And then he starts talking. The tears in Jisung's eyes break free at the sound of his best friend's voice. A voice he's never gonna hear in person again. Jisung looks at a face that he's never gonna see in person again. A face that's never gonna laugh at stupid inside jokes or cry when they watch sad movies together ever again. And that thought kills him. That's his best friend, his family, and he'll never get to experience anything with him ever again. Life is cruel like that.

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        'Hey guys it's Felix. Today I...will leave. I'm gonna go to a place where I won't be able to come back. But don't worry everything will be okay. Even if I'm gone I'm still here. I'm gonna go away but you're not allowed to forget me. Dont forget everything we've been through. Remember everything that we've learned together and everything you're gonna learn...without me. Thank you...for...everything. This is the end but I don't regret anything and I hope that you all don't hate me for this. I enjoyed my time with you but it's over. I have no will to try anymore. No will to live. I originally wanted to address each one of you separately in this video but I'm afraid that we don't have that much time. Its okay though, I left voicemails for each of you. A personal message from me to you. I hope you enjoyed them. This is goodbye. I love you all. Please don't mourn me...Goodbye.'

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(1 year later)

    When Chan woke up that morning he knew there was something different. The thing that stuck out to him the most was that the spot beside him was empty. 'Felix usually isn't up this early. I wonder where he is.' Chan thought as he sat up in the bed. Standing up and pulling on some sweat pants, Chan walked out the door and down the stairs. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed his phone from the charger. Going to his contacts, he finds Minho's and clicks. It takes three rings for Minho to pick up. 

    "Chan? What do you want? It's like 9 AM." Minho asked groggily on the other side.

   "Sorry for calling so early but I was actually wondering if you knew where Felix was? He's not at the house." Chan replied, only to receive silence in return.

   "What are you talking about Chan? Felix has been-oh" Minho cut himself off, finally realizing what was happening. "Chan I need you to come to my house right now. I have some very important information regarding Felix"

    "Okay I'll be there in 10, just let me on a shirt." Chan agreed. Minho hung up and Chan walked back up the stairs to find a shirt. After putting one on Chan walked back down the stairs and slipped his shoes on, walking out the door.

   When Chan reaches the house he was greeted by Minho, who was wearing only sweatpants. 

    "What did you need to tell me that you couldn't tell me over the phone?" Chan asked once they sat on the couch. 

   "I'm gonna start from the very beginning, okay? This is gonna sound crazy and you're probably not gonna want to believe it but you have to because its the truth. Okay?" Minho said seriously, waiting until Chan nodded and told him to continue.

     "Okay it started the night of April 13th, 2018. You and Felix were on your way to meet Jisung and I at a restaurant. Do you remember that?" Chan nodded. "Okay, well that night you're car was hit by an intoxicated driver.  You and Felix were injured but you both lived. You were unconcious when the paramedics found you but Felix wasn't, he was consious. You were both taken to the hospital. Felix was fine and was released the next day with just a cast and some bandages but you were in critical condition for a few days. We stayed and waited until they would let us see you. The day we were allowed to see you was also the day that you woke up, you woke up at 2 AM that night after we left. The catch when you woke up was that you had gotten brain damage from the accident and had amnesia. Chan...you had forgotten the last 3 years of your life. You thought it was still 2015. You didn't remember Felix at all. You only remembered Jisung mentioning him once or twice. It broke him Chan. After that night Jisung called him and talked to him but after that he shut himself up, stopped talking to all of us for three months. He only started talking to us again after Jisung went to his house and made him. We all thought that he was getting better but he wasn't. That day after Jisung left his house he called each one of us and left different messages for each one. He also wrote notes and recorded videos. Felix died that day Chan." Chan felt his heart break when Minho said that sentence. "He killed himself. Took some pills and drowned in the tub. Jisung found him when he went back to Felix's house. That day you had also started showing signs of regaining your memories. Jisung was headed over there to tell him, but when Jisung got there it was already to late. He was scarred that day too. He found his best friends corpse. It was terrible. But Felix recorded separate videos for us. One for our group of friends and one for you. I was only supposed to give it to you if you remembered. Now that you have, I have to ask do you want the flash drive?" Minho concluded. Neither of the males acknowledged the tears running down their faces. Minho's from having to recall one of the most horrible days of his life and Chan's from hearing the news that the love of his life had killed himself and Chan didn't even know who he was at the time. Slowly Chan nodded his head. He wanted to see the last thing Felix said. He wanted to see him at least one more time. 

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      The first thing Chan did when he got home was find his laptop. He sat down on the couch and plugged in the flash drive. Like the other video, it started out with Felix's smiling face and then he started talking.

      'Hey Chan. If you're watching this then that means you actually remembered. I'm afraid by that time I'll be long gone.' With that statement Felix looks down with a small sad smile. 'The night of the crash was one of the most terrifying nights I've ever experienced. That night, even if I was injured, I had to find you. I had to make sure that you were okay. When I found out that you were, I was ecstatic. But then you woke up and didn't remember me. You looked right into my eyes and asked me who I was. People say that everything happens for a reason. I still don't know what the reason for this is. I can't even spent time with our friends anymore because it hurts. It hurts that you remember them but not me.  You're everywhere except right here next to me and it hurts. It's hard. Seeing you talk and laugh with our friends but not with me because you don't know me. I figured if I spent enough time away from you, I would eventually forget you or atleast forget my feelings for you. But it's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember. I think I was doing alright for a bit but it's like missing you comes in waves and lately I feel like I'm drowning. I try to tell myself I dont miss you, but the truth is that I miss you a little bit more each day. I really thought that we would have more time together. I guess it didn't turn out that way, huh? This is the end but just know that no matter where I am. I'm yours. I love you always. Goodbye Chan.'

With those last words Felix looks at the camera with teary eyes and gives a smile, the same smile that Chan fell in love with the first time they met. Chan sits and watches to the end. He can't help but cry as he watches Felix's picture freeze once the video stops. Chan can't help but cry while he watches the last of Felix fade away.

**Author's Note:**

> Final word count: 7241
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this and I hope I portrayed the correct feelings through this. Thanks Momma Creature for the idea and letting me use it. Remember constructive criticism is always welcome.


End file.
